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Teach Your Teenager More Than Gratitude
Allow them to be involved in decisions that impact their lives.
Picture this. You just bought your 16-year-old daughter her very first car. You worked a few extra hours every week for a few months, cut expenses, and saved enough to pay for it in cash. At the same time, you decided that she doesn’t need a brand-new car. She’s a teenager after all, and a cheap beater will do, as long as it’s running.
When you bring the car home, you’re excited to show her. You decided it should be a surprise, and you can’t wait to see the look of pure joy and gratitude on her face. You text her to come outside, there’s something you want her to see.
She steps out of the house, looks around, and asks what is it you want to show her. Is it a bird on a tree? Is it a new shirt you’re wearing? What? You triumphantly point to the beater parked by the curb, give her the keys, and tell her it’s all hers. Surprise!
Her jaw drops, but she’s not joyful. She tells you she doesn’t like the car, that it’s not her style, and storms off. You can’t believe your eyes and ears. She just got a free car, she should be grateful she’s not walking. Where did you go wrong raising her?
Expectation Vs. Dialog
Parenting a teenager is hard work. Teenagers can seem like emotional rollercoasters, making you wonder what happened to your sweet agreeable child and who is this confrontational monster in your living room.
In reality, teenagers are discovering their sense of agency, and their preferences, and learning how to have a voice of their own. It’s perfectly normal for your teenager to disagree with you, but if you’re not ready or don't like being challenged, it can come as quite a shock. “My roof, my rules” parents tend to struggle more with this phase of development, and their tendency to put their foot down makes confrontations even more explosive.
For most parents, having a child is a dream come true. The anticipation and the planning that precedes every birth give rise to a number of expectations. From whether they’ll look more like Mom or Dad to their personality, preferences, and what they’ll grow up to become: every detail is open for speculation as well as…
